Tag Archives: chris graham. chuck norris

Milestones & Kicking Chuck Norris’ *ss

As the exercise regimen continues I do hit the occasional milestone. 

My milestones however, are not typical. 

Recently… I was able to tie my shoes without holding my breath. 

My large compatriots know what I’m talking about. 

You sit in a chair or step, spread your legs in order to access your feet, maybe use one hand to lasso your foot with a shoe or strike some odd cheerleader/yoga pose to get at that elusive foot from the side, hold your breath & tie as fast as humanly possible before you pass out aaaaaaaaaaaaand…

Repeat. 

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I think today I may occasionally flaunt my newfound skill by retying my shoes is all sorts of scenarios such as:
1. Lying on my back with my foot on the air.
2. Bicycling. 
3. Riding a horse. 
4. Running with the bulls in Spain. 
5. Skipping rope. 
6. Kicking Chuck Norris’ *ss (“Hold on Chuck, I gotta tie my shoe without holding my breath”) Chuck will wait in awed silence for the continuation of his beating…
Just kidding. Chuck would calmly hold me down while ripping my feet from my legs, handing them to me & saying “Here, tie those shoes without holding your breath now b*tch!”

Or, maybe I’ll just keep my new super power to myself…

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