The 147 Legged Spider

They say that the early bird gets the worm. 

Well, I say that’s disgusting. 

This early bird wants the donut. 
Or a cheeseburger. 
Or some foie gras. 

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Anything that is the antithesis of healthy eating and/or exercising. 

On another note, we had a new (and I think one time) visitor in the semi turbulent and imaginative waters of the pool today. 

I’ve noticed over the years the propensity of the brown ladies I’ve known to enjoy wearing wigs or a hair piece. 

Some wear it with pride, not trying to disguise it as their own while others do their best to look and act as if they were born with those amazing ringlets and perfectly manicured tresses. 

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Today, a fairly young lady entered the pool area and of course we all looked and normally we’ll wave at anyone we know or greet a newcomer if they look friendly. 

This one was only looking straight forward with blinders on and grim determination painted on her face. 

She was there on a mission and would be damned if she was going to be distracted. 

She was wearing a shoulder length wig with perfect rings in every strand that looked like cavatappi pasta (curly que tubes) and as she entered the pool, she submerged completely, then began swimming vigorously to the other end, leaving her beautiful ringlets floating atop the pools surface like a one hundred and forty seven legged spider. 

At the far end, she made the turn and came inexorably back to her starting point. 

As she arrived, her stroke reached its apex and landed squarely on the floating island island of ringlets. 

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She let out an ear piercing shriek (which is amazing since her face was still in the water), grabbed the hair (don’t wanna forget that) and left such a wake that I was sure that Moses had touched the water with his staff and parted the ways in order to hasten her retreat. 

I could see the bottom of the pool. It was bone dry.

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As she rounded the corner to the locker room, her wet feet and the slick tile floor failed her and she ran in place for what seemed like an eternity. 

I’m pretty sure she ran a hundred yard dash in record time without ever moving an inch. 

Finally, rationality took over, she slowed and entered the locker room dragging her pride like a wounded gazelle carried by a lion on the African plains. 

Not sure if we’ll see her again but I’m looking forward to episode two!

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