I met a new girl at the gym last week.
She was beautiful.
I don’t mean just good looking but really beautiful like an airbrushed Health & Fitness magazine cover model.
I noticed that she’d gotten into the pool when I resurfaced after a particularly grueling set of laps.
I had ingested a mere 1.5 gallons of chlorine tainted pool water while thrashing back and forth like a first timer in the ocean during a shark attack so what I’m trying to say is, I looked pretty good myself.
As she finished her lap she stopped for a minute and I though maybe I might lay a smooth line on her.
Maybe something classy like “Do you come here often sugar britches?”
What actually came out of my face was “Good morning!”
A big smile broke out on her face and he said “Hi!” (Perfect teeth, of course)
Me: “I haven’t seen you here before.”
Supermodel: “This my first time but I like it so far. Everyone’s been really friendly and it’s close to my house.” (Sweet!)
Me: “Oh, did you just move into the neighborhood?”
Supermodel: “Mmm hmmm. I’ve been traveling between Paris and Milan between jobs (supermodeling, of course) and I decided to come home to Kansas City. It’s kind of a lonely life and I want some new friends.” (OMG, I’m feeling faint.)Supermodel: “I found a great house about three blocks from… wait… “ As she said that last word “wait” her hand rose out of the water and her delicate finger was pointing up and down from my chin to about mid chest. I looked quickly down to see what she was pointing at and the thin line of snot that had apparently been flowing out of my right nostril had decided to slowly escape the confines of my face and rappel toward the earth at a snails pace (and also viscosity). It was hanging about eight inches off of the bottom of my chin. It was also sickly multicolored and as I frantically tried to hide the evidence I sneezed , blowing the biggest snot bubble I’d ever seen. This includes the multitude of YouTube videos I’ve seen late at night (laughing maniacally). It looked like I was trying to envelop my head with a green, yellow (& a little red) translucent and lumpy balloon. The supermodel had a look of pure horror on her face and I could see her gag reflex working furiously as she did her best to keep her (dainty, I’m sure) breakfast from making an appearance. I ran as fast as I could toward the ladder (which is kind of funny because running in chest deep water is incredibly slow) and exited to pool, leaving my towel, goggles and dignity behind. I haven’t seen her since.