A Word To The Wise

I heard the most ridiculous thing today.

The Glamour Boys were having their usual Oprah Winfrey show going on over in lane four when a strikingly beautiful woman walked out of the gym door leading out to the parking lot wearing pink yoga pants.

With the huge windows next to the pool you can see the entire lot and the conversation screeched to a halt (yes, complete with scratching record…) while the boys watched her walk away.


“Man, would I like to get in her pants…” one said to the other.


Now, I don’t know about you but that line really stuck with me for a couple of reasons.

1. He’d look awful in pink.

2. She was like, waaaaay smaller than him.


I could see in my (psychotically bent) minds eye this huge man trying to get those teeny little pink trousers onto his enormous frame.

The seams would blow apart like an incredibly over inflated balloon and he’d be left wearing a little pink waistband and some tattered remnants around his ankles.


Plus the authorities would have to be involved because let’s face it, both he and she would be half naked in the parking lot at that point, several laws having been broken or, at least bent beyond any reasonable flexibility.

Let’s take a look shall we?

1. Theft. (the pants themselves)

2. Public nudity. (two half naked persons of semi interest)

3. Lewd and lascivious behavior. (Glamour Boy in pink stretch pants)

4. DIsturbing the peace.  (Seriously, at 5:30 am the sound of rending seams on pink yoga pants drowns out the sound of a woman screaming about losing them.)


As the pants trying-on-er was being carted off to the loony bin (still in my psychotically bent mind) I noticed that the pink remnants of the yoga pants complimented the stark whiteness of the straight jacket nicely…


To recap, gentlemen, you NOT want to get in her pants.




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