Claude Have Mercy

Claude have mercy.

It’s been a long time since I began the morning by punishing my “temple”.


Actually, that’s not true. I’ve been monumentally punishing myself for quite some time. Turning my small Appalachian roadside chapel into something more like…

…the Taj Mahal.

Mine’s a little less of an eternal love theme and more along the lines of a Love Boat.

The goal this morning was a half mile in 30 minutes so I leapt off of the pools edge and levitated right back out like some commanding water god.

Sweet cheez-it’s that water was frigid. I’m pretty sure I no longer have a pee pee, more like some sort of relief divot in my midsection.

Summoning my courage and depositing my diminished manhood into my swimming trouser pocket I leaped once more into the briny (chlorine-y) deep.


Swimming along, my vision began to blur.
Then gray.
Then blacken.
Suddenly a white light appeared at the end of a long tunnel. Ethereal music was playing and I’m sure I heard Enya singing “Wild Thing” when a booming yet gentle voice appeared in my head saying:


So I did.


After I breathed in, I brought my head out of the water, coughed out someone’s stray bandaid and realized…

I’d made it to the other end.

A bunch of ladies I’d never laid eyes on were there looking concerned. I’m sure I’ll give them much to discuss…
*Good morning all. It’s nice to be making fun of myself once again 😉

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