Tag Archives: swimming

My Special Friend

As I hauled my great white fish belly into the pool today I was treated to the sight of an elderly lady in full makeup regalia.

She was wearing a pearl (I’m assuming imitation) necklace, a bathing cap, a full scuba diving face mask and a mumuit doing (my best guess) the back stroke. 
As she stopped at the end of the lane she struck up a conversation.
With the scuba mask still in place she looked like she’d been on the sooooo not winning side at the end of a professional welterweight boxing match. Her lips were all puffy under the nose seal & my mind couldn’t shake the vision as my eyes were glued to the center of her face.
I actually had to look at her hands to make sure she didn’t have gloves on & was looking at me for retribution (I know, boxing gloves in the swimming pool. That’s just the way my mind works when oxygen & fatty food deprived).

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I realized at that very moment that this wasn’t just a light conversation. SHE WAS FLIRTING WITH ME!!!!!

I guess if you don’t lay it out there you’ll never get the opportunity but that hit me square between the eyes.
I made up some lame excuse about organizing my sock drawer & hightailed it out of the pool. 
She waved & said she see me again. 
Maybe it was my imagination but those words sounded a little threatening…

Today’s workout was a little rough.  I came, I saw, I Concorded.

The Glamour Boys

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And so today, for my meagerly awaiting workout post fans, we will speak briefly about “equality”.
There are men who wear cologne and men who do not wear cologne and many variations in between. Today in the pool the Aqua-ettes & I were assaulted by two (Count them! Two! Ah, ah, ah!) of the most foul smelling gentlemen I’ve ever witnessed in a water environment (not including myself after a long day of sewer repair). I’m not sure if the health center has installed a cologne section in the shower room but sweet haysoos these guys were covered in it. 
The question I pose to you is “Do these men have the right to marry?” My guess is (judging by the Aqua-ettes and seeing their furtive & horrified glances at the men while huddled together at the edge of the pool hoping not to be noticed by either of them) that yes, they do, but zero women that I know (nor zero men) would let their mate out of the house with that level of nasal assault. There may yet be hope for the “equality” we’re hoping for but until there’s a shortage of bad cologne, these guys don’t stand a chance.